I miss Rachel. I found a frame that I was planning on giving to someone else, unwrapped it, and put this picture in it. 

I just got these pictures from Rachel's wedding in Edmonton, which was way back in the spring.  

the life aquatic

Boxing Day is over. I am so glad.
Here's my theory about Boxing Day:
Most people spend all their money before Christmas, giving the economy a nice little boost. The most reasonable thing would be for people to stop spending money when they have none left. But "they" (the industry? the economy?) just can't have that. And so "they" came up with a new ridiculous excuse to drag people into the malls - Boxing Day, conveniently right after Christmas.
Keeping the malls full.

Anyway, I have one more shift left, tomorrow. We're taking something in for all the people in the Mobility dept. because they have been fabulous.

Today feels really odd. I just got home from the cinema (cinema?). My dog seems to be missing.

Nine days. Scratch that, it's Monday now...
Eight days until Mexico.

A guy at work the other day told me I should be going to University instead of travelling. I replied, as if this was a scientific fact, "I will learn more in a month in Mexico than a year of school here."
I think it is true, if not scientifically proven.
How can anyone really learn when they're doing the exact same thing they've been doing all their life? It's by new experiences and circumstances that we learn to adapt, which is what emotional growth is all about.

P.S. Do you ever wish you could breathe under water?

Stop. And Go.

Soma is what they would take when
Hard times opened their eyes
Saw pain in a new way
High stakes for a few names
Racing with sun beams
Losing against their dreams
-The Strokes

A Brave New World reference? Can it be?
I never noticed before.

"I have done all I can do in this town"

I had a fondue party tonight.
A little tribute to the eighties.
Only bad thing is I have quite the mess to clean up tomorrow morning. Bah.

So, yesterday I said I was almost in tears at work... today I was in tears. If it keeps going at this rate, I will have a mental breakdown by boxing day. (Yes, I have to work boxing day. Take pity on me.) I was by myself for one thing and it was crazy busy. Something went wrong with every activation, which was also a nice little treat.
I now hate Christmas on a whole new level. Does anyone actually enjoy Christmas shopping? I wouldn't want a gift that was bought in panic and desperation. It's nothing more than a big marketing gimmick now.
("and now Christmas is for shopping
and the shopping god is everything")
I am so glad I don't celebrate Christmas.

Ah well, only four more shifts and all this cell phone knowledge will thankfully be of no use.

And then I'm off to Mazatlan!
I think I am subconsciously anxious about it. The past couple of nights I have dreamt about Mexican mishaps (is it 'mis-haps'?).
But consciously I'm not really worried at all. Definitely looking forward to it.

Well, I've gots to get up early tomorrow so as to clean up the mess I've left before service.
Adios.

dressed up like it's world war 24

There is one song on the display ipod at work. I have heard "...my boyfriend is back, he's gonna save my reputation..." a kazillion times. It's our theme song. It used to claw at my brain but I've learned to accept it. Now we dance a little each time it comes on.
So, work has been good. It's getting a lot busier. There have been so many people buying their ten-year-olds cell phones. Yikes.
I had one guy that almost had me in tears today, actually. I had to take a little trip to the back to "get a drink". He was so condescending and ignorant. Forbid a young girl such as myself might know a little something about cell phones!
The day went uphill from there though.

I just got back from Serena's.
GT's at Serena's.

I have so little to say right now. Much is going on but I just don't feel bloggy.

16 days until Mexico.
Enough said.

I wore this button to the annual pioneer sessions today.  

Self-declarative. 

Twenty-two

Depart: Calgary, Canada (YYC) - Tue, Jan 04 at 7:00am
Arrive: Los Angeles, CA (LAX) - Tue, Jan 04 at 9:22am
Depart: Los Angeles, CA (LAX) - Tue, Jan 04 at 11:13am
Arrive: Mazatlan, Mexico (MZT) - Tue, Jan 04 at 2:44pm



And a little throwback to Erin's pre-Mexico countdown blog days.
My countdown starts....
NOW.

3 weeks.
7 shifts.
9 meetings.
22 days.

brown paper packages tied up with string

I sat in the chiropractor's office in one of those hot backless gowns for two hours today, reading and re-reading a poster:
"How to be a Chiropractic Artist
....adjust with your heart
...make a snow spine
...make a cake on Sept.18"
...and so on.
Then I read two issues of Alive magazine. Apparently lipstick isn't as innocent as previously thought.

It was worth it though. First, because it was free because my mom works there.
Second, because my neck feels sooo good.
And the next adjustments won't take as long. I can't wait for Wednesday.

I got a package in the mail the other day. It was a brown paper package but it wasn't tied up with string. My cousin sent me an mp3 player. I made the mistake of telling her that my discman was broken. Not that I'm complaining, it was a good mistake.

Saturday night was fantastic.
There's something to be said of low expectations.
I was invited to this party a while ago but didn't really decide to go until the day of. When Steph was telling us about it, she said that there would be no chairs or tables. Darrin asked, "What if someone just wants to talk for a while?" to which she answered, "If we wanted you to talk, we'd have a talking party."
And so we danced.
Hours of caffeine-induced maniacal dancing.
Fabulous.

Mmmhmm.

the truth is in the details

I came home from service three hours earlier than planned.
But it was two hours longer than I thought I could last three hours in.

Even my good mood couldn't defeat the bitter cold. We had fun while we lasted. It scares me that winter doesn't even officially start for another couple weeks.
Even if it wasn't so horribly cold and windy, I can't get in my huge days because it gets so dark so early.
All I can say is I will have a lot of catching up to do in the spring.

Oh, and this is also quite comforting.

the hazards of sitting beneath palm trees

Scratch that last post. It was a lie.

I promise.


I'm hating society a little right now. Maybe not society - that's a little too general... bureaucracy. I can't find anyone to be my guarantor for my passport so I'm just going to have to go pay a lawyer to listen to me say "I promise I am me". Ridiculous. I'll be spending Thursday, all day I'm guessing, downtown with this ridiculous passport nonsense.

On a much happier note, my meeting was great. Although we did get a flat tire on the way so I was a little bit late. We went out for coffee after. And Brandon paid for all of us. He gets extra gold stars.

Well, I'm beat. This weather makes me sleepy.

I'm in love with every boy.

Yeah, you heard me.

Snow, Low -14

Today was day one of my circuit assembly.
Starting in the very first part, I made a conscious effort to see how the information directly applied to me and my circumstances - what I need to work on. There are a lot of stars and underlines in my notes, let me just say that.

After the sessions, I had to stick around because I am on cleaning team #4. I tried to make up a theme song for us, but that didn't go over too well. I got the job of looking for stains. Pretty important, I know.

Then I went for dinner with Nikki, Bob (who knew there were actually people with that name still...), Jeremy, Megan, Astelle and Kristian. Astelle is an older woman from Lethbridge who had just met Jeremy and Megan today and was staying at their house tonight. She had some good jokes.

Q: Why did Mount St. Helens erupt?
A: Because she didn't take her earth control pills.

Oh I know you are all going to steal that one!
Kristian and I met up with Jord after and we went music shopping / coffee drinking / book buying / laughing at the horrible Calgary drivers who have their summer tires on in December and seem unable to cope with our first real snowfall.

Well, today is now tomorrow.
So I should go get some sleep. I don't want to be sleepy for tomorrow.

a book laid on its binding

Here's a little tip for you:
When buying a cell phone, make sure you are absolutely decided before they activate and program it.

I've been feeling so out-of-sorts lately. Did I just make that up - "out-of-sorts"? My brain feels really cloudy. I messed up at work today. Thank goodness the mobility supervisor is ridiculously nice. Then I left a bunch of stuff there when I left. And I didn't realize until after my shift that I had no way of getting home. So, as I called around looking for a ride and then waited, I did a little shopping in the nearby stores. I found a book I wanted but I ended up buying the wrong one. I'll have to exchange it tomorrow. Ugh.

Tomorrow is pay day! And my last day of work until next Friday. We're training a new guy to cover for us. Actually, he's covering for Jay because I have already made up my hours. Hopefully that will make the night go a little quicker.

Well, adieu. I need to sleep so I can go out in service tomorrow morning.

driving fast through a big city at night

I worked today. I'm making up for the weekend (my assembly!) working today, tomorrow and Thursday. I'll be working alone for all three days because Jay is doing perfume demos plus all the pre-assembly haircutting frenzy. There are lots of other people there - I just mean I'll be the only Bell rep.
Speaking of which, I have decided that I would really like to get another Rep job when I get back from Mexico. The marketing company that I am working for said that if we did a good job, they would try to find another placement for us after Christmas.

Anyway, I am really looking forward to my assembly. I feel like I need the boost. And my parents are being interviewed (even though they are in a different circuit) so that should be interesting.
I can't believe it is already December.
Happy new month.

word clusters 

A letter from a friend.

I was speaking with the bat people about the later induction, which was an odd fervor of never realities spinning like tops into the afterglow of an ancient toll booth guarding a passage to illinois. Seven times i laughed about that spent remembrance, it was so sudden. I ate the interior room of salad stories on the boat over to london's finest restaurant, and mark said nothing about the fine selection of karate flavoured diamond snaps. As The Murky Flask was measuring a mastermind for his garden he spelled the phrase "I've never been soup" into the reiteration of dirt swaying platter stands. Nub swats are landing at 4 am pacific notion. If you recieve a plentiful bland hat, mask it off with ribbing for a tiny little digit, perhaps seven or maybe discrimination. The greatest dance is not loading the silent beeping of a Howard Stern re-run cranking a lever alone in the inky limelight of prosperity. Or is it posterity? 4x7 is the various foghorn merriment not intended for children under cerebral "ifs" "ands" and "buts", swelling greedily, rather like receding hairlines in the golden age of reticence. A single wire passed under the potato skyline catches matrimonial servitude, kicking higher and higher, malt liquor, banana, and why the ketchup angered by the petulant day of your money changing transforms into three simple words - Fozz. Bluv. Gleertific sunrise. I was totally unprepared for dismal structures betraying the breath of cascading filters like gray and pink kittens hugging in the space between the language i'd never heard before and the crack in Mount Everest.

sea change

I should really be sleeping right now.
Work tomorrow is going to be so rad, I just know it.
But I have too much energy, so I will recount my adventures of the day.

It was one of those bad days, or so it seemed.
I was feeling grumpy, and then guilty for my grumpiness, followed by more grumpiness and guilt... and so on.
I had quite an uneventful day - I slept in, went for pho with my mom, fought with my printer.
Then I went to work.
And I got a new shirt!! I am rather sick of wearing dark pants and white dress shirts. Mostly I'm sick of washing and ironing white dress shirts.
But they gave us long-sleeved teeshirts that are super comfy. They even say Bell on them. Yay.

Then we (Kristian, Jayce, Nathan and I) headed downtown to say adieu to Reid in the form of a sushi party. We met up with Serena, Blake, Brandon and Jord. Oh, and Reid. I was receiving a lot of opposition on the whole sushi idea, which was disappointing.
It was great though. Ha. Everyone had to admit that it was great.
We had these huge boats of sushi and the staff sang and drummed for Reid. We all sang "Leaving on a Jetplane". Then they made Reid and Serena wear these japanese costumes and dance. They even took a picture of it. One day I will get a copy of that picture (Reid has it) and I will post it. Cutest picture ever.

After we all went to Serena's house and hung out there until 3. Her parents are away right now and when they are out of town, she really likes to rearrange her furniture. Basically, her living room was in her kitchen and her kitchen was in her living room. And one chair was at the top of the stairs. It made me really happy.

Well, now I'm feeling a little tired.
Plan for tomorrow:
-Go to work
-Work (or is that included in the above?)
-Sleep
-Go to Renee's for gt's.

Oh, and I'd just like to take this time to appologize for the lack of depth in my posts. No startling revelations here.
Adieu. To yieu and yieu and yieu.

translate this inspiration into something tangible

I have to stop this money-spending madness.
So, the last two days I have been trying to get my passport photo. The trouble is I get sidetracked and completely forget my whole purpose. I have bought a lot of stuff, yes. But no passport.

Anyway, I just got back from my meeting. Well, we went for coffee after. The place we wanted to go was closed so we had to drive around looking for a different one. It's annoying trying to coordinate six vehicles.

Reid is leaving on Saturday. Somehow it feels like we've been having goodbye parties ever since he moved here. Tonight was the... fourth I think? And Friday night we're having another. There was talk of sushi and karaoke. An odd combination - I'm not sure if it will work out.

Tomorrow night I am not going out - I don't have plans so if I can keep it that way, that'd be great. I am going to go to bed early. That way I will save money and energy.

Adieu.

Sunny with cloudy periods, High -4

I really hate Mondays. For no reason, really. I don't work Monday-Friday. I work Friday - Sunday. So really, I should love Mondays.
Mondays are my Saturdays.
But service just didn't happen today. Again.
However, I did have a fantastic dream about a huge rabbit that could talk. She explained to me the benefits of an all-salad diet.

Last night was good. Another odd mixture of happenings.
I went to my meeting. Actually, it was quite an interesting meeting.
A man from Ottawa came to our congregation and gave a talk totally in American Sign Language and it was translated into English for us. It was so mesmerizing; he was such a good speaker. Uh, I mean signer. So many deaf people from in and around Calgary came in for it. The hall was packed - they added a whole bunch of extra chairs and I still had trouble finding a seat.

After the meeting, we couldn't decide what to do. I hate being an indecisive person. I finally invited Serena, Brandon and Blake over to my house for supper. Then some other people (Reid, Scott, Dean and Caleb) showed up to go go-karting. Ugh. That go-karting place by Crossroads is the most depressing and creepy place ever. Then we went for coffee (mmm... chai latte) and then back to my place.
Serena really wanted to go see The Take at the Uptown. I was worried that it would feed my already-anti-corporate tendencies. Maybe we'll go see it tonight.
When everyone left last night, I went to see if Nathan and Jay were still awake. They were. And Levi and his friends were still there. They hadn't bought their horse yet and were staying over again. So I hung out with them.

Which is why waking up this morning was so difficult.

Well, I'm off. I have to go get my passport photo taken.

Steeped tea?

Today was a day much longer than I'm used to.

I woke up just after six. Early morning service, even though my bed was so warm and comfortable.
Went to work at eleven - much better than the Friday shift.
Friday I think I was getting delirious due to the absolute boredom.
Came home, cleaned, and went to Marla's for a fun-filled evening with Serena, Scott, Dean, Blake, Jared, Morgan, Kristy, Reid, and Brandon.
Meaningless names to anyone else, I know.

Came home at 12:30.
Levi is here, with two of his friends, from Kelowna.
He's buying his wife a special horse of some kind. He hates horses.
I hung out with them for a bit and now here I am.

That was my day. Much longer than usual.
And now I'm really tired.
And now I'm really not sure if any of this makes much sense...

I taught Katana how to use my camera today. This is the best she could come up with - a close-up shot of her sweater. Granted, she is fourteen months old. 

streetlights at dusk

T'was an evening of juxtaposition, as Serena would say.
We ordered in large quantities of East Indian food, drank red wine, listened to Bjork and weird seventies music, and watched "The Way We Were" (Streisand and Redford TOGETHER!).
Juxtaposition, indeed.

Prior to this, I spent eight hours out in service. It was deceivingly sunny out today. It looked so warm out, but that wind was pure evil.
Or maybe it has something to do with my stubborn refusal to start wearing a winter jacket. Yeah, that could definitely be it.

I am also having a hard time adjusting to this new time. I know it has been several weeks now but I have two alarm clocks (one on either side of my bed), one of which is still set to daylight savings time, that keeps my constantly aware of this shift. I know there are plenty of places that don't use daylight savings at all but has anyone tried staying on daylight savings time? It would be neat to, as an individual, refuse to go off DST for a whole year. Well, I think so, anyway. It gets dark much too early these days.

Au revoir.

from a basement on a hill

I just got back from the airport - picked up Rebecca. She had gone to Vancouver for a week to visit some old friends and see Death Cab for Cutie.

Nothing much new with me. I had an unproductive day. My plan was to go in service but I spent the morning on the phone, relaying messages.
Here's the story:
My Aunt and Uncle (and various other family members) were in New York to see Bethel and visit family there. My Uncle had a heart attack and they had to extend their stay because of it. Then last night, in the hotel, he had two more attacks. Now he will have to have open-heart and bypass surgery there but not for four or five days because he has been on blood thinners.
I hope everything works out...

Well, I should get to bed.
Tomorrow I'll make up for the time I lost today.

pedantic banter

My brain hurts.
This job is so odd. Other associates have been introducing me to customers as "the Bell expert".
How intimidating. And misleading.
Even though my wage is not commission-based, I really feel like I want to represent Bell well. I have no idea where these feelings of loyalty are coming from. It is quite frustrating feeling this inadequate. I'll get over it, I'm sure.
I just have one more shift, tomorrow, and then I have all week to research and hopefully I'll feel better equipped for next weekend.

In other news, Tanys left today. She came over last night after I got off work and we went out for drinks with a few other people. It was such a disjointed visit - I feel like we still didn't get to catch up.

Then tonight I decided that I am the worst friend ever.
Marion called and wanted to do something. I said I would call her back and then proceeded to curl up in the fetal position on my kitchen floor. She is an awesome person - really strong, and I admire her. But she is also very intense. I just wanted a mellow evening.
We ended up going for supper and then wandering around Chapters. It was fine. I think she sensed my lack of enthusiasm, though, and I feel really guilty. Next time I'll make it up to her.

I'm looking forward to sleeping so I'm going to get right on that.
Chao.

"Our contemporary Western society, in spite of its material, intellectual and political progress, is increasingly less conducive to mental health, and tends to undermine the inner security, happiness, reason and the capacity for love in the individual; it tends to turn him into an automaton who pays for his human failure with increasing mental sickness, and with despair hidden under a frantic drive for work and so-called pleasure." --Dr. Erich Fromm (quote written in the 'fifties) 

a struggle eternal

I was just getting comfortable after my meeting tonight... and I was kidnapped!
Okay, so not really. But Tanys and Janet showed up at my house and we went downtown. Janet was dying for sushi. I was really full still from supper but managed to eat a respectable amount of the huge boat platter ("the loveboat deluxe") of sushi.
After - at around midnight - we invaded Janet's old house (by invaded I mean knocked on the door and were kindly let in) so she could reminisce.
Well, I have to go to sleep. Janet and Tanys already bailed on our service plans for tomorrow. Now the question arises: Will I be able to wake up tomorrow?
Ah, the eternal struggle.

"tangled in the mechanics"

The above title is a quote from Serena.
I went out in early morning service with her. Well, I did and I didn't.
She picked me up and we were on our way to pick up Brandon when her car broke down.
(Translation for Erin: Morton Gunther's cousin got sick.)
When she was checking her oil, she was worried about her scarf getting "tangled in the mechanics". I thought it would make a good name for a song. Or title of a blog.

Anyway, we ended up just going home. It was a toss-up between precious extra minutes of sleep and going for breakfast.
I didn't go back to sleep. But I did have some ice cream.
And now I'm cold again.

Well, I better start making my morning more productive.
Hang gap lai.

social engineer

Out in service today I was.
(Determined to not start the first sentence with 'I' I was.)
There was a lot of frantic following of Julie until about 2:30 - she walks really fast and I'm never quite sure where she's headed. She's really sweet though. Then I met up with Teresa for the evening.
It was cold today. Bitterly cold.
I came home half-way through the day to put on another three layers of clothing (who's jealous now, Erin? Oh, wait... still me).
It's that wind. I do not like that wind.

When I came home for my little break - to eat something and bundle up - I didn't have my key. And no one was home. So I broke into my house.
Later I found out that one of the doors was unlocked.

It was a really great day. It was cold and miserable outside but I felt good (I mean besides the fact that I was hurting from the cold... I guess it was more of an inner thing). I love those days when you can appreciate the little things.

Sounds like Jayce had a day like that too. Her car ran out of gas. Then later she got a flat tire.
But she did get to take a ride in a big yellow school bus (the man who stopped to help her went to get his car, only to realize that he didn't have a car today - only his bus) and she was pretty psyched about that.

Ahh, triumphs of the human spirit.

Yesterday was also good. I decided early on that I wasn't going to go out for coffee after the meeting because last week I didn't get home until one and Wednesday is a big service day.
But I went for coffee.
And I didn't regret it, which is always good.

This weekend:
Some friends from Fernie and area are coming up. Tanys got a new car so she's bringing Janet and Megan up for the weekend (unless the roads are bad). It will be good because I haven't seen Tanys since she got back from Paris.
I start work on Friday. Woo-hoo.
We're throwing a going-away party on Saturday for Reid I think (which is odd because he's not leaving until the end of the month. That would be fine but he has only lived in Calgary for two months so I think maybe we should wait for a couple of weeks).

Well, I'm off to bed. I'm exhausted and still a little cold.
And I start all over again at 7:00 a.m. tomorrow.

"...they were forced to feel strongly...." 

Soma

I hate television.
The other day I saw an ad for Toys R Us. Those clever marketers equate toys with joy.
Toy, joy.
They rhyme.
That's the end of the relationship between the two.
What is it going to take for us to realize that our happiness is in no way associated with the things we possess?
When are we going to stop telling our young and impressionable that money equals joy?
It makes me sick.

This rant has a lot to do with Brave New World in which the children are thoroughly conditioned. I highly suggest that if any of you decide to read this book, also read Brave New World Revisited as it helps to clearly define the issues and concerns of the author.

By the way, November 26 is Buy Nothing Day.

I hope I don't sound too cynical. I'm glad I feel like I have hope for the future.
So, my concern isn't really the problems I see... I think my concern is that people just seem so blind and complacent.

End rant... now.

"A distorted reality is now a necessity to be free"

This fog is so... elusive.
Environment Canada's weather office has been forecasting "freezing drizzle" the past few days.
Maybe they just thought of that one - got sick of "mix of sun and cloud", "chance of flurries", "chance of showers", etc...
I rather like it. Freezing drizzle.

This weekend went rather well. Although I accidently slept in on Saturday. I was undecided on early-morning service, which made it all too easy to shut off my alarm at 6:30. The plan was to wake up for the 9:30 group, but that just didn't happen. Ah well.

I went out on Friday night with Serena and various others. Supposedly the Friday night get-togethers are going to be an on-going thing. I'll be working Friday nights for the next six weeks, though, so we'll see what happens.

My musical horizons have expanded as of late. No, not really. It's not like I've decided to tune into Vibe 98.5 [*shudders*].
Rather, I have discovered new names in my familiar ridiculously mellow genre. I've been listening to Sufjan Stevens, Mercury Rev and Idaho. Hayden's "Skyscraper National Park" is mostly new to me because I just got it. Oh, and right now I'm listening to Elliott Smith's new album (released post-suicide) "From a Basement on the Hill".
Mmmm... good music.

I'm reading a really great book too - Brave New World (by Aldous Huxley). It was written in the 'thirties. I was thinking that it was reminiscent of Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 and George Orwell's 1984, but really, it's the other way around since they were written in the 'fifties.
Anyway, all three are of a similar tone.
Perhaps I should lay off the conspiracy books for a while.

flashing the corporate tear

I had a nice - albeit unproductive - morning in service.
Jayce and I followed another group around and we did some of those perpetual not-at-homes. We were supposed to study with Kim around eleven but she wasn't home.
Then we went for coffee.
Yeah, one of those mornings.

I'm going on another study this afternoon so hopefully that will make up for it. And tomorrow will be a big day.

I had to go shopping (yes, "had to"- I'm one of those shoppers-by-necessity) yesterday for work clothes. I was placed in one of the very few stores that has a dress code. Any Calgarians who want to see my new exciting white shirt and dark trousers can stop by Best Buy. Scratch that. Don't. Really.

Well, I'm off. I want to prepare for the meeting tonight before the study so I'm not rushed after.

Auf Wiedersehen.

give me one more hour

So. Day 2 of the Bell Mobility/ExpressVu seminar today. I'm done with that for now.
They treated us very well. I think I might just like this job.

I was worried about some of the hours conflicting with my Sunday meetings and my two-day assembly but it's all looked after now. I changed the hours for Sundays and got the weekend of my assembly off.

This weekend was really odd.
This whole seminar was one thing. I was never interviewed by anyone and neither were the people from all over Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba that they flew in and set up at the hotel. These companies have invested a lot into people they know nothing about. Who does that?

The weekend was also odd in that pretty much all my plans fell through. Friday night I cancelled (mostly because it ended up being just some married couples) and just took it easy. Saturday night I did go to see a friend off (she's heading to Vietnam) but I was supposed to go to a different party. Now tonight things aren't going as planned, which is turning out to be a good thing because I'm not really feeling well.

Last night I ended up hanging out with people I don't normally and saying more than I do normally. I ranted a little about a mutual aquaintance. There are very few people I deem rant-worthy so I feel justified but, at the same time, I didn't really know these people.
It makes me sad when people bond based on similar bad feelings toward another person. It makes me even sadder when people seek that out ("What do you think about him/her? Do you even like him/her?").
The true test of a good friend is whether or not they make you want to be a better person. I think that is so true - I need to surround myself with great people who inspire me.

Or maybe I'm just a huge geek. Yeah, that's probably it.

Speaking of good friends:
I'm extremely jealous of a certain Erin who seems to be having a great time in Mexico right now. I can't wait to get down there.

Adieu.
I mean... Adios.

when you feel embarrassed then i'll be your pride; when you need directions then i'll be your guide

Even though I'm listening to super mellow music (Hayden, Julie Doiron, Nick Drake, M.Ward, etc.), I feel like I can't calm down - like I drank a hundred pots of coffee - so this won't be a long post.

I created a new photo album on my website of mostly really old black and white photos. You can look if you like that sort of thing:
www.geocities.com/assured_expectation

I hope you are having a really awesome day.

Open your eyes, put it in drive, get on the road and just go

Erin leaves for Mexico in two days.
Bon voyage, Erin.

As for me, I'll be remaining in good ol' Calgary for the next two months still.

Things are going well. Service, specifically, is going well.
I have yet to adjust to the cold, though. Who knows what I'm going to do when winter actually hits. Ugh.
Then - right when I think I can't handle the cold any longer - I'll go to Mazatlan!

I have to go to a training seminar for Bell Mobility this weekend.
Eighteen blissful hours.
All for a meager six weeks of employment.
It better be paid training, that's all I can say.

Well, I've got my meeting this evening so I better go finish studying.

Buenas noches.

Someone intelligent enough to know how small we really are

I'd just like to start off by commending myself.
I didn't get to sleep until well after three but I woke up at eight this morning and went in service. I even stayed out until four o'clock.
And I'm really glad I went.

Well, that's all for now.
Sorry if I got anyone excited by that "starting off" bit - I don't have anything else to say.

Everything I Long For

That was a fantastic night.
Hayden (the so-called "King of Mope-Core", whatever that is) was amazing and I was even pleasantly surprised by the opening band, Cuff the Duke. I might go see Cuff the Duke again in a couple weeks, if I can remember where and when that is.
The show last night (okay, so technically two nights ago, but I haven't slept yet last night so it doesn't count... uhhh) at the Brew Brothers was pretty good too. I knew a couple of people in both the bands that played, which was odd. One of them I hadn't seen in years.
It's funny to go to two shows in two nights that are so... opposite. Thursday night was all punk stuff and then... well, Hayden.

I saw a bunch of people at the Hayden concert. I mean people that I know. I ran into Marion who I haven't seen since July, so that was good. And Britt! That was totally unexpected. I miss that girl. And Serena showed up too even though she refused when I told her she had to come just the night before. There was a couple (we met them at the Brew Brothers) that gave us good seats that they were saving for their friends, so that was also good.

Anyway, enough of that.
I need to focus again. Focus, focus, focus.
And I need to sleep now.
G'nite.

times like these

So I was thinking of going to Fernie this weekend but it isn't going to work out. My parents are going to Castlegar so I thought I could get a ride with them. Oh well.
Then I was thinking I had no idea what I was going to do this weekend now that I'm not going. But I didn't have to worry.
I just got home from my bookstudy, and I'm going to Brew Brothers tonight because my friend's band is playing. Tomorrow night is the Hayden concert. Saturday I have service arrangements in the afternoon with Serena and then we're going to hang out.
So I'm hoping it won't be too bad, after all.

Well, I should go change. My clothes, I mean.
I'll be needing something warm...

Silent Films Are Full of Sound

I had a good day today. I'm even feeling much better.
Last night went just fine. My head sort of cleared when Serena showed up (sure, I'll give her the credit).

I started service at seven this morning.
But I woke up at 6:50. Stupid alarm clock.
It was really beautiful out at seven, although it was still mostly dark.
Everything was just so white and still.

I just finished going through my notes from the convention in June for the review tomorrow night. It made me wish my two-day assembly was sooner than the beginning of December.

Well, I'm off to figure out how to make my alarm clock work.
Adios.

Hibernation

This is so not good.

I feel horrible. Maybe I'm getting sick.
My whole body aches, my brain is just not working and I'm shakey and anxious.

And I have a whole bunch of people coming over tonight.
Oh good.

I want to bury myself in the snow (if only it was deep enough and not so... cold) and hibernate.

"I arrive through a window, I leave through a hole in the wall"

It was a beautiful day.
Calgary doesn't have nearly enough gray rainy days. T'was fabulous.

This afternoon I went with my mom to study with Jillian, as I do every week.
The kids (ages four and five) were hilarious, as usual.
Jillian is looking into getting a hip replacement. She is 27.
Twenty-seven!
Her diabetes is so bad. She goes into lows sometimes several times a week and has to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Any one of these times, she could die. And now she is getting her hip replaced.
She has such a good attitude about it all though.

I just got back from my bookstudy, feeling a lot less irritable than before I left.

Well, I have to go. I promised Annika I would hang out with her when I got back.
Heh.

"You'd be surprised how little I knew even up to yesterday."

Aloha.
I had a really good day in service today, about 9 hours straight. Usually I stop for a half hour or so at some point in the day, but not today. It went by so fast though.
I had some really interesting discussions. One guy I spoke to is convinced that the media is a powerful form of mind control. Which it is.
Another young girl we were talking to near the end of the day said she had no hope for the future, or rather, "there is no hope for the future". She just sort of shrugged it off.
So do people like her believe that this is really it?
I don't know what I'd do if I felt that way...

Well, I'm pretty tired.
I was hoping to come home and relax this evening, but a bunch of people were here, so now I'm more tired.
But I think it's a good kind of tired.

elk lake serenade

Not a whole lot to report here.
I went out in service until 3.30 today. My afternoon was spent with the ASL group doing deaf service. Driving all over the city like that reminds me of my old days with the Vietnamese congregation. We went all the way down to Douglasdale, then to Westhills and at some point we were in Marda Loop and Altadore. It is tempting to get involved with the group. But, then again, I left Vietnamese to improve my English service so I shouldn't really join a different language group.

We had a bonfire out at Bowness again tonight, probably the last one of the year. It was really relaxing, except for our little run-in with the police. Just as we were getting there we got pulled over - just checking up on us, I guess. Landon told the officer he was handsome, which made us sound even more suspicious.

Well, I should really go to sleep. It's almost two
...although I do really want to finish reading Jack Kerouac's "On the Road"...

Half a mango

Ah, yes.
You know who else is super awesome?
Britt B.

She also comments
...and is a really rad person.

Three days of laughter

Here I am, drinking Red Bull, after vowing not to.
I just got back from my meeting and I'm going to help Nathan and Jay paint their living room.
I really owe them.

Oh, and I'd just like to say that Erin is the greatest, as she is the only one who comments on my posts.

...And because she is leaving for Mazatlan on the 28th of this month and I will be meeting her down there in January and we are going to have so much fun!

my city's still breathing (but barely it's true)

I am now only moderately unemployed.
(Maybe I should let that whole degrees of employment thing go...)

That's right, I got a job. Sort of.
Starting in the middle of November (yeah, it's a ways off) I will be working for Telus. It's part-time and seasonal (meaning it will be over after Christmas and I will be able to go to Mexico!).
Just six weeks.
$14 an hour, though.
The greatest thing is that I'm not sure how I got this job. Jayce was telling me about it (there are two positions and we will be working together) and I asked if I should send in my resume.
She said, "No, you have the job, if you want it."

Now I just have to find a way to make some money until then.
Liquor demos, probably.

Well, I'm going to go eat some celebratory grapes.

"sand is over-rated. it's just tiny little rocks."

Service today. All day. 9.30am-8.00pm.
T'was a good day.

Then I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with Serena.
It was pretty rad to hang out with a girl, for once.

Yeah, that's right, boys suck.
No, really.

G'nite.

"Red Bull gives you wings"

I have had the most intense last couple of days. Insane.
First off: Friday night
It started off quite well. Gomez was quite enjoyable. We came home and it seemed a shame to just go to sleep so we met up with some people and went out for coffee. Bad, bad decision. Little did I know one of those people had decided to hate me.
Background: This guy has liked me for the past while, making things quite awkward. He knew that the reason that I broke up with Ryan was because I didn't want a boyfriend now or in the near future. I had thought we could have a platonic relationship. Apparently not. Anywho, I had backed off the last couple of weeks. Turns out, he was really mad.
So we went out for coffee -- I have never been so humiliated and hurt in... well, I don't know, a long time. He and his friend decided to either disregard or bash every single thing I said and did. I was furious by the time I got home at about 2. I was ready to write my first real angry post. But, to my dismay, the internet was down.

Saturday:
I was still pretty upset about the night before, so I was feeling a little down.
However, the guy (some of you will know who he is, but for whatever reason, I hesitate to use his name) ended up coming over in the evening, bearing gifts and he apologized profusely. He said if I didn't want to go out with him, he'd still rather be friends than nothing. I'm still not too sure how serious he was about that.
We ended up going down to Prince's Island park around 11. Everyone else was really hyper because they had been drinking Red Bull. We ran around and then went out for coffee.
Oh, one good story came out of our running around. Jord was rail-sliding with just his shoes on (does that make any sense?) and some guy came up to him, very impressed, asking if he had special shoes. Jord assured him his shoes were quite normal and did another demonstration for this curious (and slightly drunk) man. We encouraged the man to try it. He did. But he fell backwards onto a bike rack! I thought he broke his back. He didn't move at first and I thought he was seriously injured. When he got up, we all had a good laugh.

Okay, back to the coffee - I had a gingerbread cookie that I think was supposed to look like Miss Piggy. It was pretty creepy. We were all about the head home but a few of us decided to go back to Jord's place to hear some new stuff he recorded on his reel-to-reel player (that thing is incredible). All of a sudden, it was four in the morning and I was begging to be taken home. They refused. Then because I was whining so much, they made me drink a Red Bull.
That stuff is insane. Has anyone else tried it yet? I don't know how long it's been legalized in Canada, not long. I was out of control. Anyway, there was a lot of driving around after that. We finally ended up going for a super early breakfast.
Then I went to my parents' meeting, where I thought I was going to pass out. I actually just got home. So I haven't slept in a really long time. I thought I had outgrown that whole All-Nighters-Are-Novelties stage, but I guess not.

I'm supposed to go to karaoke tonight. So my plan is to sleep for the rest of the day until I have to go to that. Ugh.

The interesting thing about the last couple of days is the range of emotions it encompassed. I don't think it's healthy to do that to yourself.

Wow, this was quite the convoluted post.

Well, good night.
I mean... uh... good afternoon....
I'm going to sleep.

Rocky Raccoon

My family laughs a lot, I realized today. That makes me incredibly happy.

Here are a few things I have recently discovered (or re-discovered) that I love:
1.The Beatles.
I've been listening to The Anthology 3. It rocks my world.
2.Marshmallows.
How could you not appreciate their jet-puffed greatness?
3.Vitamins.
I've started taking some this week and I have a ridiculous amount of energy.

I thought it was going to be a longer list. Three items. That's rather disappointing.

Anyway, nothing much new over here.
I just finished fancy-ing up my resume a bit. I built it in photoshop, which was time consuming but I like how it turned out.
I'm going to see Gomez tomorrow night at the U of C.
www.gomez.co.uk
That should be good.
I believe I am also going to see Hayden this month.

Now I am going to bed.
Sleep is so under-rated.

Broke and I'm Breaking

I'm severely unemployed. You might think that one could only be employed or unemployed but I believe there are degrees of employment. My lack of money puts me in the "severely unemployed" category.
Work (not the act itself, more the setting) makes me anxious. Besides, I can't work on Sundays, Tuesday- and Thursday nights, Wednesdays or Saturday mornings. Most employers just love that. If I was more motivated, I would be self-employed. Or is that like saying 'if I could drive, I'd be a professional racer'?
So that is (or should be) my focus for the next while: getting a J-O-B.
How long have I been saying that?

I was wondering how I have become one of the Great Procrastinators.
Inherited? I don't think so. My parents are quick to make decisions and get things done. To illustrate: the other week (how's that for vague?) I heard talk of kitchen renovations. Today tile has replaced the horrible linoleum (circa 1970), the dark wood cabinetry is now white, the ceiling is painted and there are new light fixtures. The majority of this change has occured within the span of three days.
Okay, so point made: my tendency to procrastinate is not inherited.
So it must be learned.
I think I can conveniently blame the educational system for this.
Thanks for nothing, school... thanks for nothing.

I have an absurd number of boxes in the basement (probably because I have never bothered to fully unpack in the year that I have lived in this house - stupid learned procrastination), all of which I could throw out and not miss in the least. But alas, I must sort through them. I found a bunch of books that I'm saving. One is a biography of Nikola Tesla. Very interesting. Other than that, I'm mostly throwing everything out.
Ah, to be relieved of clutter.

Guy Montag

It's good to be home.
Who would've guessed that one day I would think of Calgary as home...

Edmonton was pretty good.
I guess I should explain some of those pictures.

We went for a walk on the train tracks above High Level Bridge (yeah, apparently it's really called that - isn't that inventive). It was a really really long bridge (maybe they should call it that - Really Long Bridge) and quite tricky to get onto. It was like they were trying to keep people off....
oh, wait a minute... they were.

I really like the big picture at the top, of the trees. That was taken at the Legislature grounds right after Candace fell in the fountain. Well, there wasn't really a fountain. I guess it was just a pool?

On Sunday we went for another walk. Along the way, I took pictures of the trees (people just happened to be in them... ) and cut my leg on a barbed wire fence. I'm not exactly sure why I took a picture of that but I thought I'd share it.

Oddly enough, I didn't get any pictures of the actual wedding. It was a pretty small wedding, about 200 people. (Seems like Witnesses usually have huge weddings.) I did get to see some people I haven't seen in a long time - as I expected - so that was good.

It was a very musical weekend. Music was playing pretty much every waking moment, which was rad.
A lot of Face to Face and Sublime.
Ah, memories...
I realized that my music is ridiculously mellow. It makes me happy but I think I need to stock up on psych-up music.

Hang gap lai.
(See you later)

i went for a walk with my friends down memory lane, but i couldn't find my way back

www.geocities.com/assured_expectation

This site was supposed to be my new online portfolio but I decided to post some pictures from the weekend on it.
Enjoy.

Separation Anxiety

Tomorrow's forecast is for flurries.
That is hilarious.

I'm going to Edmonton this weekend for a wedding.
There should be a lot of people there that I haven't seen in a really long time so it should be good. I have no idea where I'm staying, though. Oh, and I haven't bought a gift yet.
Ah well. I'll get it all figured out tomorrow.
...Or I'll just give them money and sleep in the car.

Paper Tiger

I had such a good night.
It involved a fire at Bowness Park, a ton of rain, an overpacked car and two hours of tea drinking.
I smell like smoke.
I'm soaked.
I have to pee.
Mmm... good times.

This month has been really awesome, actually. People say that the first September after you're done school, you miss it.
No way.

I feel like my life has focus again.
My problem is I have to learn how to balance. I really shouldn't spend ten hours in service after having only four hours of sleep. This is starting to become a habit - a habit that I mostlikely can't keep up. I don't want to burn out.

...So maybe I should go to sleep now...

"Vote for Pedro"

Napoleon Dynamite.
See it.
Because awkward humor is the very best kind of humor.

Fahrenheit 451

Why do I insist on drinking coffee?
I should really stick to green tea.
Coffee is evil as well as sleep-depriving.

I finally saw Fahrenheit 911 tonight. It was amazing (for the one other person who hasn't seen it yet). Michael Moore is just going to disappear one day, I swear.
The ties between the Bush and Bin Ladin families... that is intense.
This world really is so corrupt.

Tomorrow night I am going to see a movie with lighter subject material - Napoleon Dynamite. I have been dying to see it for so long. My friend is rounding up a big group for his fourth viewing. Apparently, it's that good.

Well, I am going to try to sleep but I'm pretty wired so I'll most likely end up reading. I'm finishing up John le Carre's Absolute Friends which is oddly reminiscent of Fahrenheit 911....

By the way, has anyone read Fahrenheit 451?
I heard it is similar to 1984 and I want to see what connection there is to Michael Moore's type of conspiracies.

I am such a nerd.

words and word clusters

I can't believe this weather. Absolutely horrid. It is a bit of a wake-up call though. Summer is almost over, or so it seems.
And thus real life begins.

Mazatlan.
Okay, so taking off to Mexico isn't exactly real life... but it would be a lot of fun. I have looked forward to this my whole life - I have virtually no responsibilities. This is the time to travel, right? Mexico is a good start, I think. Just through December. Just a month. And it's not too far.

I think I know what my problem is: I'm too content.
Really. Being content is a good thing, to an extent. In a lot of ways, I'm thankful that I'm content. I really don't want a lot of stuff, which I think is a good thing. But I need to push myself to be more ambitious. I would be content to get a good (part-time) job and pioneer here in Calgary. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that... but why not push myself further?

Step one is getting to sleep earlier so as to have more productive days.
Good night.

terrified of telephones and shopping malls and knives

So I got out of Calgary. I went to Fernie late Saturday night, drove out to Surveyor's Lake (the camping spot of my childhood) Sunday morning and spent the day on the beach with Erin and her family. The weather was gorgeous. We walked around the lake and found a rope swing into the water. My arms hurt today. Stupid rope swing.
Erin has invited me to go to Mexico in December. She is going in November with some people (an older couple and their friend) and they are renting a villa in Mazatlan. Erin is hoping to get some people to come down so that when everyone else leaves, she can keep the villa for another month or so.
Anyway, the trip was really good. Good but short. The only really bad thing that happened was on the way there, we hit a moose. Those things are huge! I was sleeping in the back of the car and I thought we hit a truck. It was okay though, somehow. It was stunned for a minute and then it walked off the road. I'm so glad it didn't die or get seriously hurt because I think I would have cried my eyes out.

mountain to sound

I need to get out of Calgary.
I went with a bunch of people to Bowness park last night and had a bonfire. Two people brought their guitars and I had my trusty bongo drum. We sang our hearts out... literally. Then we walked around and (get this) it was dark! I didn't know that it was ever dark anywhere in the city. I still couldn't see many stars but it was dark. At the risk of sounding like an idiot I'm going to say that it was amazing. It was incredible to be surrounded by trees, listening to good music. Everyone should do that. It just grounds you.

you will, you won't; you do, you don't

I'm finding it really hard to keep this thing up. Britt is threatening me though, so I will try again. Even though she is the only one who reads it. I should really call this blog "Dear Britt B.".
I went to Stampede on Friday night with Marion. It was kind of sad. I mean, it was really fun (although I spent way more money than I wanted to) but the little girls were all dressed like hookers. The drunk people also got more and more pathetic as the night went on. And the fireworks were unsatisfying. Oh, and I hate what they do to those animals. Stupid cowboys. Anyway, we took the train home in the wee hours of the morning and I stayed at her house (which was tiny and adorable).
I guess the worst thing about Stampede is the same thing that was bad about the NHL playoffs. People are so desperate to have some (any!) distraction in their lives so they don't have to think about what really matters. I'm all for having a good time; I'm really not that anal, really. But it's the extent that the whole city embraces the distraction.
In other news, I drank three pots of green tea and five glasses of water in one hour this afternoon. Then we went and played tennis and I thought I was going to pee my pants.

good-bye teeth #18, 28, 38, and 48

I will especially miss #28.
I got all my wisdom teeth out yesterday. I wasn't really worried about it and as it turned out, i didn't need to be. Maybe it was all the valium, or the pain reliever injection, or the really strong motrin or the tylenol three. I'm pretty sure my dentist used to be a drug dealer. Anyway, it still doesn't hurt at all, so that's good.
In other news, i am reading my sixth John Steinbeck novel. This one is Cannery Row. If you haven't read any Steinbeck, here is a sample. This is a description of a beloved doctor.
"Doc would listen to any kind of nonsense and change it for you to a kind of wisdom. His mind had no horizon - and his sympathy had no warp. He could talk to children, telling them very profound things so that they understood. He lived in a world of wonders, of excitement. He was concupiscent as a rabbit and gentle as hell..."
I heart John Steinbeck. Read anything by him. I highly recomment East of Eden, but anybook will do.

welcome to the future

here i am, joining the ranks of countless others who choose to let others read their diary. that's what it is, isn't it? oh, i don't know. this is for you britt b. while i'm on this tangent...
i am struck by how the world is embracing the worldwide web. really, one doesn't need to leave his or her computer. that's because we have e-fulfillment. you see, we buy everthing we need to establish ourselves in this electronic world. from that moment on, we may choose to buy our clothes, groceries, lifemates, friends, and whatever else online.
that's e-fulfillment.
and i am glad to be a part of it now.