streetlights at dusk

T'was an evening of juxtaposition, as Serena would say.
We ordered in large quantities of East Indian food, drank red wine, listened to Bjork and weird seventies music, and watched "The Way We Were" (Streisand and Redford TOGETHER!).
Juxtaposition, indeed.

Prior to this, I spent eight hours out in service. It was deceivingly sunny out today. It looked so warm out, but that wind was pure evil.
Or maybe it has something to do with my stubborn refusal to start wearing a winter jacket. Yeah, that could definitely be it.

I am also having a hard time adjusting to this new time. I know it has been several weeks now but I have two alarm clocks (one on either side of my bed), one of which is still set to daylight savings time, that keeps my constantly aware of this shift. I know there are plenty of places that don't use daylight savings at all but has anyone tried staying on daylight savings time? It would be neat to, as an individual, refuse to go off DST for a whole year. Well, I think so, anyway. It gets dark much too early these days.

Au revoir.

from a basement on a hill

I just got back from the airport - picked up Rebecca. She had gone to Vancouver for a week to visit some old friends and see Death Cab for Cutie.

Nothing much new with me. I had an unproductive day. My plan was to go in service but I spent the morning on the phone, relaying messages.
Here's the story:
My Aunt and Uncle (and various other family members) were in New York to see Bethel and visit family there. My Uncle had a heart attack and they had to extend their stay because of it. Then last night, in the hotel, he had two more attacks. Now he will have to have open-heart and bypass surgery there but not for four or five days because he has been on blood thinners.
I hope everything works out...

Well, I should get to bed.
Tomorrow I'll make up for the time I lost today.

pedantic banter

My brain hurts.
This job is so odd. Other associates have been introducing me to customers as "the Bell expert".
How intimidating. And misleading.
Even though my wage is not commission-based, I really feel like I want to represent Bell well. I have no idea where these feelings of loyalty are coming from. It is quite frustrating feeling this inadequate. I'll get over it, I'm sure.
I just have one more shift, tomorrow, and then I have all week to research and hopefully I'll feel better equipped for next weekend.

In other news, Tanys left today. She came over last night after I got off work and we went out for drinks with a few other people. It was such a disjointed visit - I feel like we still didn't get to catch up.

Then tonight I decided that I am the worst friend ever.
Marion called and wanted to do something. I said I would call her back and then proceeded to curl up in the fetal position on my kitchen floor. She is an awesome person - really strong, and I admire her. But she is also very intense. I just wanted a mellow evening.
We ended up going for supper and then wandering around Chapters. It was fine. I think she sensed my lack of enthusiasm, though, and I feel really guilty. Next time I'll make it up to her.

I'm looking forward to sleeping so I'm going to get right on that.
Chao.

"Our contemporary Western society, in spite of its material, intellectual and political progress, is increasingly less conducive to mental health, and tends to undermine the inner security, happiness, reason and the capacity for love in the individual; it tends to turn him into an automaton who pays for his human failure with increasing mental sickness, and with despair hidden under a frantic drive for work and so-called pleasure." --Dr. Erich Fromm (quote written in the 'fifties) 

a struggle eternal

I was just getting comfortable after my meeting tonight... and I was kidnapped!
Okay, so not really. But Tanys and Janet showed up at my house and we went downtown. Janet was dying for sushi. I was really full still from supper but managed to eat a respectable amount of the huge boat platter ("the loveboat deluxe") of sushi.
After - at around midnight - we invaded Janet's old house (by invaded I mean knocked on the door and were kindly let in) so she could reminisce.
Well, I have to go to sleep. Janet and Tanys already bailed on our service plans for tomorrow. Now the question arises: Will I be able to wake up tomorrow?
Ah, the eternal struggle.

"tangled in the mechanics"

The above title is a quote from Serena.
I went out in early morning service with her. Well, I did and I didn't.
She picked me up and we were on our way to pick up Brandon when her car broke down.
(Translation for Erin: Morton Gunther's cousin got sick.)
When she was checking her oil, she was worried about her scarf getting "tangled in the mechanics". I thought it would make a good name for a song. Or title of a blog.

Anyway, we ended up just going home. It was a toss-up between precious extra minutes of sleep and going for breakfast.
I didn't go back to sleep. But I did have some ice cream.
And now I'm cold again.

Well, I better start making my morning more productive.
Hang gap lai.

social engineer

Out in service today I was.
(Determined to not start the first sentence with 'I' I was.)
There was a lot of frantic following of Julie until about 2:30 - she walks really fast and I'm never quite sure where she's headed. She's really sweet though. Then I met up with Teresa for the evening.
It was cold today. Bitterly cold.
I came home half-way through the day to put on another three layers of clothing (who's jealous now, Erin? Oh, wait... still me).
It's that wind. I do not like that wind.

When I came home for my little break - to eat something and bundle up - I didn't have my key. And no one was home. So I broke into my house.
Later I found out that one of the doors was unlocked.

It was a really great day. It was cold and miserable outside but I felt good (I mean besides the fact that I was hurting from the cold... I guess it was more of an inner thing). I love those days when you can appreciate the little things.

Sounds like Jayce had a day like that too. Her car ran out of gas. Then later she got a flat tire.
But she did get to take a ride in a big yellow school bus (the man who stopped to help her went to get his car, only to realize that he didn't have a car today - only his bus) and she was pretty psyched about that.

Ahh, triumphs of the human spirit.

Yesterday was also good. I decided early on that I wasn't going to go out for coffee after the meeting because last week I didn't get home until one and Wednesday is a big service day.
But I went for coffee.
And I didn't regret it, which is always good.

This weekend:
Some friends from Fernie and area are coming up. Tanys got a new car so she's bringing Janet and Megan up for the weekend (unless the roads are bad). It will be good because I haven't seen Tanys since she got back from Paris.
I start work on Friday. Woo-hoo.
We're throwing a going-away party on Saturday for Reid I think (which is odd because he's not leaving until the end of the month. That would be fine but he has only lived in Calgary for two months so I think maybe we should wait for a couple of weeks).

Well, I'm off to bed. I'm exhausted and still a little cold.
And I start all over again at 7:00 a.m. tomorrow.

"...they were forced to feel strongly...." 

Soma

I hate television.
The other day I saw an ad for Toys R Us. Those clever marketers equate toys with joy.
Toy, joy.
They rhyme.
That's the end of the relationship between the two.
What is it going to take for us to realize that our happiness is in no way associated with the things we possess?
When are we going to stop telling our young and impressionable that money equals joy?
It makes me sick.

This rant has a lot to do with Brave New World in which the children are thoroughly conditioned. I highly suggest that if any of you decide to read this book, also read Brave New World Revisited as it helps to clearly define the issues and concerns of the author.

By the way, November 26 is Buy Nothing Day.

I hope I don't sound too cynical. I'm glad I feel like I have hope for the future.
So, my concern isn't really the problems I see... I think my concern is that people just seem so blind and complacent.

End rant... now.

"A distorted reality is now a necessity to be free"

This fog is so... elusive.
Environment Canada's weather office has been forecasting "freezing drizzle" the past few days.
Maybe they just thought of that one - got sick of "mix of sun and cloud", "chance of flurries", "chance of showers", etc...
I rather like it. Freezing drizzle.

This weekend went rather well. Although I accidently slept in on Saturday. I was undecided on early-morning service, which made it all too easy to shut off my alarm at 6:30. The plan was to wake up for the 9:30 group, but that just didn't happen. Ah well.

I went out on Friday night with Serena and various others. Supposedly the Friday night get-togethers are going to be an on-going thing. I'll be working Friday nights for the next six weeks, though, so we'll see what happens.

My musical horizons have expanded as of late. No, not really. It's not like I've decided to tune into Vibe 98.5 [*shudders*].
Rather, I have discovered new names in my familiar ridiculously mellow genre. I've been listening to Sufjan Stevens, Mercury Rev and Idaho. Hayden's "Skyscraper National Park" is mostly new to me because I just got it. Oh, and right now I'm listening to Elliott Smith's new album (released post-suicide) "From a Basement on the Hill".
Mmmm... good music.

I'm reading a really great book too - Brave New World (by Aldous Huxley). It was written in the 'thirties. I was thinking that it was reminiscent of Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 and George Orwell's 1984, but really, it's the other way around since they were written in the 'fifties.
Anyway, all three are of a similar tone.
Perhaps I should lay off the conspiracy books for a while.

flashing the corporate tear

I had a nice - albeit unproductive - morning in service.
Jayce and I followed another group around and we did some of those perpetual not-at-homes. We were supposed to study with Kim around eleven but she wasn't home.
Then we went for coffee.
Yeah, one of those mornings.

I'm going on another study this afternoon so hopefully that will make up for it. And tomorrow will be a big day.

I had to go shopping (yes, "had to"- I'm one of those shoppers-by-necessity) yesterday for work clothes. I was placed in one of the very few stores that has a dress code. Any Calgarians who want to see my new exciting white shirt and dark trousers can stop by Best Buy. Scratch that. Don't. Really.

Well, I'm off. I want to prepare for the meeting tonight before the study so I'm not rushed after.

Auf Wiedersehen.

give me one more hour

So. Day 2 of the Bell Mobility/ExpressVu seminar today. I'm done with that for now.
They treated us very well. I think I might just like this job.

I was worried about some of the hours conflicting with my Sunday meetings and my two-day assembly but it's all looked after now. I changed the hours for Sundays and got the weekend of my assembly off.

This weekend was really odd.
This whole seminar was one thing. I was never interviewed by anyone and neither were the people from all over Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba that they flew in and set up at the hotel. These companies have invested a lot into people they know nothing about. Who does that?

The weekend was also odd in that pretty much all my plans fell through. Friday night I cancelled (mostly because it ended up being just some married couples) and just took it easy. Saturday night I did go to see a friend off (she's heading to Vietnam) but I was supposed to go to a different party. Now tonight things aren't going as planned, which is turning out to be a good thing because I'm not really feeling well.

Last night I ended up hanging out with people I don't normally and saying more than I do normally. I ranted a little about a mutual aquaintance. There are very few people I deem rant-worthy so I feel justified but, at the same time, I didn't really know these people.
It makes me sad when people bond based on similar bad feelings toward another person. It makes me even sadder when people seek that out ("What do you think about him/her? Do you even like him/her?").
The true test of a good friend is whether or not they make you want to be a better person. I think that is so true - I need to surround myself with great people who inspire me.

Or maybe I'm just a huge geek. Yeah, that's probably it.

Speaking of good friends:
I'm extremely jealous of a certain Erin who seems to be having a great time in Mexico right now. I can't wait to get down there.

Adieu.
I mean... Adios.

when you feel embarrassed then i'll be your pride; when you need directions then i'll be your guide

Even though I'm listening to super mellow music (Hayden, Julie Doiron, Nick Drake, M.Ward, etc.), I feel like I can't calm down - like I drank a hundred pots of coffee - so this won't be a long post.

I created a new photo album on my website of mostly really old black and white photos. You can look if you like that sort of thing:
www.geocities.com/assured_expectation

I hope you are having a really awesome day.

Open your eyes, put it in drive, get on the road and just go

Erin leaves for Mexico in two days.
Bon voyage, Erin.

As for me, I'll be remaining in good ol' Calgary for the next two months still.

Things are going well. Service, specifically, is going well.
I have yet to adjust to the cold, though. Who knows what I'm going to do when winter actually hits. Ugh.
Then - right when I think I can't handle the cold any longer - I'll go to Mazatlan!

I have to go to a training seminar for Bell Mobility this weekend.
Eighteen blissful hours.
All for a meager six weeks of employment.
It better be paid training, that's all I can say.

Well, I've got my meeting this evening so I better go finish studying.

Buenas noches.

Someone intelligent enough to know how small we really are

I'd just like to start off by commending myself.
I didn't get to sleep until well after three but I woke up at eight this morning and went in service. I even stayed out until four o'clock.
And I'm really glad I went.

Well, that's all for now.
Sorry if I got anyone excited by that "starting off" bit - I don't have anything else to say.

Everything I Long For

That was a fantastic night.
Hayden (the so-called "King of Mope-Core", whatever that is) was amazing and I was even pleasantly surprised by the opening band, Cuff the Duke. I might go see Cuff the Duke again in a couple weeks, if I can remember where and when that is.
The show last night (okay, so technically two nights ago, but I haven't slept yet last night so it doesn't count... uhhh) at the Brew Brothers was pretty good too. I knew a couple of people in both the bands that played, which was odd. One of them I hadn't seen in years.
It's funny to go to two shows in two nights that are so... opposite. Thursday night was all punk stuff and then... well, Hayden.

I saw a bunch of people at the Hayden concert. I mean people that I know. I ran into Marion who I haven't seen since July, so that was good. And Britt! That was totally unexpected. I miss that girl. And Serena showed up too even though she refused when I told her she had to come just the night before. There was a couple (we met them at the Brew Brothers) that gave us good seats that they were saving for their friends, so that was also good.

Anyway, enough of that.
I need to focus again. Focus, focus, focus.
And I need to sleep now.
G'nite.

times like these

So I was thinking of going to Fernie this weekend but it isn't going to work out. My parents are going to Castlegar so I thought I could get a ride with them. Oh well.
Then I was thinking I had no idea what I was going to do this weekend now that I'm not going. But I didn't have to worry.
I just got home from my bookstudy, and I'm going to Brew Brothers tonight because my friend's band is playing. Tomorrow night is the Hayden concert. Saturday I have service arrangements in the afternoon with Serena and then we're going to hang out.
So I'm hoping it won't be too bad, after all.

Well, I should go change. My clothes, I mean.
I'll be needing something warm...

Silent Films Are Full of Sound

I had a good day today. I'm even feeling much better.
Last night went just fine. My head sort of cleared when Serena showed up (sure, I'll give her the credit).

I started service at seven this morning.
But I woke up at 6:50. Stupid alarm clock.
It was really beautiful out at seven, although it was still mostly dark.
Everything was just so white and still.

I just finished going through my notes from the convention in June for the review tomorrow night. It made me wish my two-day assembly was sooner than the beginning of December.

Well, I'm off to figure out how to make my alarm clock work.
Adios.

Hibernation

This is so not good.

I feel horrible. Maybe I'm getting sick.
My whole body aches, my brain is just not working and I'm shakey and anxious.

And I have a whole bunch of people coming over tonight.
Oh good.

I want to bury myself in the snow (if only it was deep enough and not so... cold) and hibernate.

"I arrive through a window, I leave through a hole in the wall"

It was a beautiful day.
Calgary doesn't have nearly enough gray rainy days. T'was fabulous.

This afternoon I went with my mom to study with Jillian, as I do every week.
The kids (ages four and five) were hilarious, as usual.
Jillian is looking into getting a hip replacement. She is 27.
Twenty-seven!
Her diabetes is so bad. She goes into lows sometimes several times a week and has to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Any one of these times, she could die. And now she is getting her hip replaced.
She has such a good attitude about it all though.

I just got back from my bookstudy, feeling a lot less irritable than before I left.

Well, I have to go. I promised Annika I would hang out with her when I got back.
Heh.